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funny quotes 2022

funny quotes and sayings.

It's funny the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast loose and improvised and get somebody to laugh.

Abel Ferrara | funny quotes | Video

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor I'm just gonna tell her 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you they can't really fire you and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'

Adam Carolla | funny quotes | Video

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

Adam Carolla | funny quotes | Video

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

Adam Carolla | funny quotes | Video

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

Adam Carolla | funny quotes | Video

'Come out' is so funny to me because I've never been in.

Adam Lambert | funny quotes | Video

Sixth grade was a big time in my childhood of hoops and friendship and coming up with funny things.

Adam Sandler | funny quotes | Video

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

Adlai E Stevenson | funny quotes | Video

And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that's funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read easier to understand and often stronger. So there's all kinds of advantages to it.

Al Franken | funny quotes | Video

The day I made that statement about the inventing the internet I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.

Al Gore | funny quotes | Video

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

Al Yankovic | funny quotes | Video

People never ask people doing serious music 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

Al Yankovic | funny quotes | Video

I come more to Scotland than I ever used to so I feel more connected to it more part of the zeitgeist. You know when you realize you have a choice and I'm choosing my homeland. It's funny: when you get older these things creep up to you.

Alan Cumming | funny quotes | Video

It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now although when I was a kid I was always hungry.

Alan Ladd | funny quotes | Video

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

Alanis Morissette | funny quotes | Video

I don't want to be the one to break it to you but the future ain't that funny.

Albert Brooks | funny quotes | Video

Twitter to me works if you're funny. Twitter doesn't work as a promotional tool unless you do it very very very occasionally.

Albert Brooks | funny quotes | Video

I've been to many funerals of funny people and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have because the emotions run high.

Albert Brooks | funny quotes | Video

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Albert Einstein | funny quotes | Video

If the facts don't fit the theory change the facts.

Albert Einstein | funny quotes | Video

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Alfred Hitchcock | funny quotes | Video

It's a bit like school camp shooting a film. Everyone's on heat. It's a strange energy. It's full of adrenalin. I funnel my excess energy in funny little ways. I do a lot of dancing in my trailer. I love music.

Alice Englert | funny quotes | Video

It's funny because I'm a sucker for glitz and glitter when it comes to clothes and nail polish but with my makeup I'm more comfortable with a natural look. It feels more like me.

Alison Sweeney | funny quotes | Video

The funny thing is the girls that I'm always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool like Emma Watson. She's awesome.

Amanda Seyfried | funny quotes | Video

I also think if you're an actor and you can improvise when you go on an audition and you can improvise you're just a genius. If you can you know take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that's not in the commercial they think you're a genius.

Amy Poehler | funny quotes | Video

Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And when in doubt make funny faces.

Amy Poehler | funny quotes | Video

Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor but I always knew who was funny who to hang out with.

Andrew Stanton | funny quotes | Video

I love a smart well-written show and '30 Rock ' well you can't get any better than that. Tina Fey poos funny. There's nothing that she does that isn't funny. That show is an example of how brilliant she is. It's so smart. They've done some brilliant commentary about the 'Housewives' with 'Queen of Jordan ' their show-within-the-show.

Andy Cohen | funny quotes | Video

I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean how can you tell?

Andy Warhol | funny quotes | Video

I got the wake-up call that no one is policing our oceans. I wondered how can I do anything? What really can I do to make things better? There are some perks to being a celebrity. My job is to be funny once in a while but it's my responsibility to make good use of it.

Angela Kinsey | funny quotes | Video

I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.

Angelina Jolie | funny quotes | Video

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

Angelina Jolie | funny quotes | Video

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

Angie Dickinson | funny quotes | Video

That's why I like to get out there and get people to see the other side of Mitt and know us in a different reflection when you see the family and how funny he is with the boys and with the grandkids. And you know just what a super guy he is. That's part of what I am doing is letting people see the other side of Mitt.

Ann Romney | funny quotes | Video

My little dog he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.

Anna Held | funny quotes | Video

I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well so they're not funny. I end up saying 'Oh no I'm joking I'm joking.'

Anna Torv | funny quotes | Video

Everybody's funny if you love them.

Anna Torv | funny quotes | Video

I love readings and my readers but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful but I'm annoying and a phony.

Anne Lamott | funny quotes | Video

No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny but he was.

Annie Leibovitz | funny quotes | Video

It's sort of an action flick. You can't be that funny trying to steal diamonds.

Anthony Anderson | funny quotes | Video

I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.

Anthony Anderson | funny quotes | Video

I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who just happens to be funny on occasion.

Anthony Anderson | funny quotes | Video

What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away nice to see you.

Anthony Holden | funny quotes | Video

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said Thyroid problem?

Arnold Schwarzenegger | funny quotes | Video

It's simple if it jiggles it's fat.

Arnold Schwarzenegger | funny quotes | Video

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

Arnold Schwarzenegger | funny quotes | Video

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

Arthur C Clarke | funny quotes | Video

I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.

Arthur Conan Doyle | funny quotes | Video

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Arthur Smith | funny quotes | Video

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water but that's about it.

Arthur Smith | funny quotes | Video

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now Howard Stern has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.

Artie Lange | funny quotes | Video

It's funny though because when I first started going to races after we met I was extremely nervous. It's like being backstage and hoping you don't trip over something or break an amp or accidentally speak into a live microphone so I was really hesitant.

Ashley Judd | funny quotes | Video

What's funny is my husband doesn't have any tattoos at all so he must be the very conservative one.

Ashley Scott | funny quotes | Video

I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.

Audrey Hepburn | funny quotes | Video

A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back it comes back up like gangbusters.

Barbara Corcoran | funny quotes | Video

I feel funny about owning art. I don't really want to say: 'Wow come and see my Monet - it's in a dark room at the bottom of my cellar.'

Baz Luhrmann | funny quotes | Video

I think if actors don't think of themselves as funny in real life they think they can't do comedy.

Ben Barnes | funny quotes | Video

Screaming at children over their grades especially to the point of the child's tears is child abuse pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing scarring disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.

Ben Stein | funny quotes | Video

I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie you hope it's going to be funny you can't think about how it's going to go over.

Ben Stiller | funny quotes | Video

I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.

Ben Stiller | funny quotes | Video

I love New York. I was sad depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they've done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny have a distraction.

Ben Stiller | funny quotes | Video

Jim Carrey a comic genius has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it.

Ben Stiller | funny quotes | Video

It's funny but when I arrived in California to start college I was much more interested in becoming a surfer and cruise along in life from one beach to the next. I didn't plan out any huge career for myself.

Benicio Del Toro | funny quotes | Video

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin | funny quotes | Video

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Bertrand Russell | funny quotes | Video

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

Bertrand Russell | funny quotes | Video

Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times eat at least 45 chocolate bars and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that through a combination of Nutella old pals and Barbra Streisand we can achieve happiness and very probably world peace.

Beth Ditto | funny quotes | Video

My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character... It's a complicated bag of tools I acquired and I've put them all to work onstage.

Beth Ditto | funny quotes | Video

I'd luv to kiss ya but I just washed my hair.

Bette Davis | funny quotes | Video

Brought up to respect the conventions love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

Bette Davis | funny quotes | Video

Well I mean if a joke or humor is bawdy it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.

Betty White | funny quotes | Video

I don't just try to be funny.

Bil Keane | funny quotes | Video

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Bill Cosby | funny quotes | Video

Always end the name of your child with a vowel so that when you yell the name will carry.

Bill Cosby | funny quotes | Video

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

Bill Cosby | funny quotes | Video

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Bill Cosby | funny quotes | Video

Like almost everyone who uses e-mail I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.

Bill Gates | funny quotes | Video

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Bill Hicks | funny quotes | Video

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Bill Maher | funny quotes | Video

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Bill Maher | funny quotes | Video

One of the things I like about acting is that in a funny way I come back to myself.

Bill Murray | funny quotes | Video

Kyle Baker's work is really funny but it's also got a very clear vision.

Bill Sienkiewicz | funny quotes | Video

Money won't buy happiness but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Bill Vaughan | funny quotes | Video

Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.

Billy Bob Thornton | funny quotes | Video

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Billy Connolly | funny quotes | Video

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Billy Connolly | funny quotes | Video

A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is I've died so many times.

Billy Corgan | funny quotes | Video

The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that at heart I'm really a jock.

Billy Corgan | funny quotes | Video

If you're going to tell people the truth be funny or they'll kill you.

Billy Wilder | funny quotes | Video

It's funny how the hippies and the punks tried to get rid of the conservatives but they always seem to get the upper hand in the end.

Bjork | funny quotes | Video

If I have to lay an egg for my country I'll do it.

Bob Hope | funny quotes | Video

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Bob Hope | funny quotes | Video

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Bob Hope | funny quotes | Video

Funny is funny is funny.

Bob Newhart | funny quotes | Video

I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person he may never utter a funny line.

Bob Newhart | funny quotes | Video

A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny his whole personage is funny.

Bobby Darin | funny quotes | Video

I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny.

Brendan Fraser | funny quotes | Video

Justin Timberlake is everything and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me and that's cool.

Britney Spears | funny quotes | Video

I find it so funny that people find me so interesting.

Britney Spears | funny quotes | Video

I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder.

Brittany Snow | funny quotes | Video

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