It's funny the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast loose and improvised and get somebody to laugh.
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor I'm just gonna tell her 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you they can't really fire you and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'
Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
Sixth grade was a big time in my childhood of hoops and friendship and coming up with funny things.
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that's funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read easier to understand and often stronger. So there's all kinds of advantages to it.
The day I made that statement about the inventing the internet I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.
People never ask people doing serious music 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'
I come more to Scotland than I ever used to so I feel more connected to it more part of the zeitgeist. You know when you realize you have a choice and I'm choosing my homeland. It's funny: when you get older these things creep up to you.
It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now although when I was a kid I was always hungry.
I don't want to be the one to break it to you but the future ain't that funny.
Twitter to me works if you're funny. Twitter doesn't work as a promotional tool unless you do it very very very occasionally.
I've been to many funerals of funny people and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have because the emotions run high.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
It's a bit like school camp shooting a film. Everyone's on heat. It's a strange energy. It's full of adrenalin. I funnel my excess energy in funny little ways. I do a lot of dancing in my trailer. I love music.
It's funny because I'm a sucker for glitz and glitter when it comes to clothes and nail polish but with my makeup I'm more comfortable with a natural look. It feels more like me.
The funny thing is the girls that I'm always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool like Emma Watson. She's awesome.
I also think if you're an actor and you can improvise when you go on an audition and you can improvise you're just a genius. If you can you know take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that's not in the commercial they think you're a genius.
Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And when in doubt make funny faces.
Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor but I always knew who was funny who to hang out with.
I love a smart well-written show and '30 Rock ' well you can't get any better than that. Tina Fey poos funny. There's nothing that she does that isn't funny. That show is an example of how brilliant she is. It's so smart. They've done some brilliant commentary about the 'Housewives' with 'Queen of Jordan ' their show-within-the-show.
I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean how can you tell?
I got the wake-up call that no one is policing our oceans. I wondered how can I do anything? What really can I do to make things better? There are some perks to being a celebrity. My job is to be funny once in a while but it's my responsibility to make good use of it.
I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.
My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.
That's why I like to get out there and get people to see the other side of Mitt and know us in a different reflection when you see the family and how funny he is with the boys and with the grandkids. And you know just what a super guy he is. That's part of what I am doing is letting people see the other side of Mitt.
My little dog he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.
I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well so they're not funny. I end up saying 'Oh no I'm joking I'm joking.'
I love readings and my readers but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful but I'm annoying and a phony.
It's sort of an action flick. You can't be that funny trying to steal diamonds.
I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.
I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who just happens to be funny on occasion.
What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away nice to see you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said Thyroid problem?
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water but that's about it.
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now Howard Stern has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.
It's funny though because when I first started going to races after we met I was extremely nervous. It's like being backstage and hoping you don't trip over something or break an amp or accidentally speak into a live microphone so I was really hesitant.
What's funny is my husband doesn't have any tattoos at all so he must be the very conservative one.
I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.
A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back it comes back up like gangbusters.
I feel funny about owning art. I don't really want to say: 'Wow come and see my Monet - it's in a dark room at the bottom of my cellar.'
I think if actors don't think of themselves as funny in real life they think they can't do comedy.
Screaming at children over their grades especially to the point of the child's tears is child abuse pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing scarring disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.
I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie you hope it's going to be funny you can't think about how it's going to go over.
I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.
I love New York. I was sad depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they've done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny have a distraction.
Jim Carrey a comic genius has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it.
It's funny but when I arrived in California to start college I was much more interested in becoming a surfer and cruise along in life from one beach to the next. I didn't plan out any huge career for myself.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times eat at least 45 chocolate bars and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that through a combination of Nutella old pals and Barbra Streisand we can achieve happiness and very probably world peace.
My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character... It's a complicated bag of tools I acquired and I've put them all to work onstage.
Brought up to respect the conventions love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
Well I mean if a joke or humor is bawdy it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel so that when you yell the name will carry.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Like almost everyone who uses e-mail I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
One of the things I like about acting is that in a funny way I come back to myself.
Kyle Baker's work is really funny but it's also got a very clear vision.
Money won't buy happiness but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is I've died so many times.
The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that at heart I'm really a jock.
If you're going to tell people the truth be funny or they'll kill you.
It's funny how the hippies and the punks tried to get rid of the conservatives but they always seem to get the upper hand in the end.
I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person he may never utter a funny line.
A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny his whole personage is funny.
Justin Timberlake is everything and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me and that's cool.
I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder.